Relationships - what makes them so complicated?


#1

This week saw the sccr hold its 5th national conferance. One of the key themes that came up was around the need for healthy, happy relationships and how vital they are for life. Today we’re in glasgow- discussing family relationships. Recognise Reflect Resolve http://scottishconflictresolution.org.uk/events
What makes relationships go well? What are the kinds of things that can make relationships become difficult?


#2

I was talking to a young person about this the other day and they were saying that their mum doesn’t understand he’s technically an ‘Adult’ now. This led to a whole discussion about how as we grow we change as people and therefore we end up losing some of our relationships, or having to adapt them.

We were saying that this is quite easy when it comes to high school friends and acquaintances as you can natural move away from them but when you have a relationship such as he did with his mum, which hopefully should continue throughout life, there can be real tension when the dynamic of that relationship change. He said that it’s like in his mum’s eyes he’s still a baby, but he considers himself more of her equal…was a really interesting discussion. Just thought I’d share!


#3

The training I deliver to parents explores this issue. Parents naturally want to protect their young and for some hold on to them for as long as them can. The young person however is going through a transition in their lives, like we all did, it’s called growing up. The child, not a term young people enjoy, but endure still recognise parents as parents, still require the safety, security and love that parents provide however this becomes a very much as and when the young person needs it. This transition in the relationship sees the parent becoming more of a consultant rather than a controller, the skills used in the relationship have to be adapted and used more sensitively over this period of change. It can be difficult on both sides of the table and inevitably there will be varying levels of conflict and a rollercoaster of emotional incidents. This is the norm and it is impetrative that parents understand this, and ‘respond’ rather than ‘react’ to challenging situations as they present themselves. For the ‘child’ this development stage will happen and I would suggest the more they know how to manage it, in terms of emotions, behaviour and communication arguably will improve their relationship skills and help define them as they grow into adults. I too have had some really interesting discussions with parents on this subject which reaffirms that families and parenting are unique in their dynamics and interactions.


#4

when ur open to the other person and you understand how they feel as a person.
when u close up and dont talk about how u feel u get under and start not using healthy copeing skills but in the moment u dont think bout coping skills u go off !
i need help with that and anger too


#5

Thanks for your comments Nicole! You’re right being open and making an effort to understand the other person really benefits the relationship. It can be so hard in the moment though, especially if you’re really angry with someone or at a situation. I find giving myself some space to think things through can really help.

Are there any other ideas or coping skills people use??