Conquering Conflict - Lets break the mould

[AbbeyKrause]

Yesterday the SCCR held it 6th National Conference. People from across Scotland and beyond came together representing a whole range of different organisations and families to talk about conflict, it’s impact on family life and how we can work together to bring about change.

There was a brilliant buzz in the room while people shared their own personal experiences of conflict and the the reasons they had chosen to become involved in the work that they do. For some “conquering conflict” was about hope - A hope of changing the culture of conflict in Scotland. For others “breaking the mould” was about choosing how to manage conflict differently in their own lives and making a choice to respond in a new way.

Change, Hope,and Kindness were 3 of the common themes running throughout the conversation being had.

What does “Conquering Conflict - Lets break the mould” mean to you and how will you bring about change in your life/work/community?

[paulb]

I was at the conference too, which I really enjoyed by the way, on the table I was at we discussed breaking the mould.
Everyone on the table worked with families and talked about their experiences of conflict with clients. Some avoid it because, with families, it can all get emotional and hard to handle, another said she tries to address conflict but due to strong emotion it can get out of hand and she doesn’t always feel she has the skills to handle it. Someone else said in her job there was no option, she has to deal with conflict and emotions in a way that works and is productive
She thinks its important to determine what the emotion is about so it can be dealt with in a positive way. She said it’s important to view conflict as a productive process rather than being scared of it. She said it helps if people are heard, with flexibility and without being judgemental.
As a mediator this resonated with me and one way of breaking the mould for me is breaking the fear around conflict, the fear of opening that can of worms and speaking about things which aren’t being spoken about. The only way I can look at conflict is to see it as a potentially creative process in which people with seemingly different views can come together, discuss and create something new and dynamic which might even work better for everyone.
Obviously training and experience help greatly if you are dealing with emotional conflicts. When you are starting out, if you find yourself in too deep, having support from more experienced people is very helpful .Connections with professionals such as counsellors, mediators or mental health workers etc is important especially if it feels like you have opened up a can of worms that you are not able or trained to handle.

[Diane]

Thanks Paul, Using the forum is a great place to post more feedback from others at the conference and if possible, keen to hear from other facilitators that captured the discussion on the day. Really looking forward to the conference speakers films being uploaded onto the website.

[MediationLiz]

“Conquering Conflict - lets break the mould” is for me about taking achievable steps then after a few of these steps having sudden clarity about a situation.
For instance when I realised I was giving mixed messages when making a serious request.
I would have thought it through logically and planned my timing. Then I would self sabotage by diminishing my logic and plan by smiling too much. Through going into a conditioned response to “ask nicely” I invited a “nicely phrased refusal”.
Some young people are conditioned to be obliging and at certain ages and stages this is appropriate. The skill is to recognise when it is not appropriate and when your own conditioning is being used against you.
So for myself the small steps were about building up my own confidence to be congruent.
Let us break the mould through authenticity and self-awareness.

[duncang]

I agree with both Liz and Paul with their thoughts on “Conquering Conflict - lets break the mould”. I have found through my experience delivering sessions to parent groups that the most significant impact is the opportunity they have share and talk to each other on the subjects that I lay before them. I tell them that the discussion they have on the subject are far more important than the words they write on the flipchart for me. The related experience that is shared provides an opportunity to break the mould and support each other. Even within my workshop at the conference, I found that the conversations that people were having on the issues they had identified, were more palpable than the exercise that they were participating in. We need more of these conversations and the SCCR are in a privileged position to provide events for just that.

[ScottCDocherty]

I’m just disappointed that I didn’t manage along to this conference, because by the looks of it as seen in the wonderful, and sometimes really emotional, conference videos on the SCCR YouTube channel, it was a truly enriching experience.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to attend next year’s conference!

[AbbeyKrause]

We hope to see you next year Scot! Or at one of our events in the coming year.