“…being curious not furious”

When I deliver training to parents I reflect that we parents (yes, I am a parent of two grown-ups!) all go through the same stresses of parenting - the difference being the levels of stress, the levels of understanding and our capacity to manage our stress.
I was lucky having a partner who brought calm to my emotion and sensibility to my parenting. Parents - when we are able to be responsive to positive change, through learning and understanding of our relationships and communication within the family, then we are doing a good job, no matter how tough or complex things are. Family conflict are normally born out of misunderstanding on all sides. Being curious, not furious, is a mantra that one participant came up with that I use and share with others when I can. Is there any other pearls of wisdom from parents that they would like to share? It might just provide an opportunity to improve a relationship for a parent.

I like trying to be ‘curious not furious’, but how difficult can that be when we’re in the moment? Active listening (listening to understand not to reply) is often hard work, however the results can be hugely rewarding. Working as a mediator, much of my work is about helping young people and parents/carers to ‘really’ listen to each other. I know from my experiences with my grown-up kids, how much can be gained from listening to them!

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