"The trickiness of human perception"

[AbbeyKrause]

In his blog _ Do you see what I’m dealing with here? Thoughts and feelings of conflict_ http://ow.ly/10fsAo Professor Charlie Irvine describes how we attribute meaning to another persons behaviour and how this can often contribute to us getting caught in a negative cycle of conflict. Charlie suggests we try to take a step back and consider our own judgments and perspective on the situation and ask ourselves;

"Might there be another explanation for that outburst? Or, even more challenging: might I be the explanation?”

Is this dynamic something we recognise in our own relationships or the families we are working with? How can we help others to break this cycle?

[Diane]

Hi Abbey
Really enjoyed reading Charlie’s blog. Also great to see the film of the conference address on SCCR YouTube channel. It really helps to understand ourselves in relation to others. I am interested in how mediators provide this insight and understanding when working, so that clients understand this too. Part of our work is to create resources that assists with this so let us know your thoughts.

[ScottCDocherty]

Thanks for your post Abbey.

It was as a result of the video of Charlie’s talk on conflict and attribution theory that I asked him to interview for the CALM Scotland #audioCALM series. You can access his interview here:

http://www.calmscotland.co.uk/audiocalm.html

He expands on what he was discussing in his SCCR talk and goes into some detail about how separating couples and co-parents in particular might resolve the attribution errors made commonly in post-separation communication. It really is a cycle much of the time, but with a little bit of help, parties might recognise more about what’s going on under the bonnet and be more prepared mentally to consider options for the future.

Many thanks for sharing this talk, and congratulations for your wonderful conference!

Scott

[AbbeyKrause]

Thanks for sharing Scott I will definitely check out this interview. It’s one of the dynamics that I find so interesting in relationships. Its very easy to misread a situation or action of someone else, we all do it. I find it can sometimes be helpful to ask questions around “intentions”. Most of the time if people want to change or make something better their intentions are good and positive and they just get tangled in the web of communication.

Thanks for sharing your experience we appreciate it!

[craigmillard]

Hi,
I think, What helps me with my practice is helping people recognise that Outcomes are usually multi determined. It is common for us think …this = that. It is normal as we try to put meaning to why we are being treated/ effected in such a way. However there is usually many layers to why we do something, or don’t. It may be because they are just having a go at me but also because they maybe having a bad day, they may have experienced a similar situation prior and learned this was the best way, they may indeed be enjoying some engagement with you and don’t know or have forgot and other way,- a cry for help, It could be a windy day [ avoid me on windy day, especially around full moon :} ]
I agree Abbey, Investigation around intentions is a good way to help with perspective. I think our presence as a mediator gives the people we work with the chance to unwind, reflect and consider.

Craig

[AbbeyKrause]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Craig, it made me appreciate that interpersonal conflict often feels hard for a reason!! There can be many elements that contribute to a person’s response and following interaction, things are very rarely straight forward and it can take time to unpick what’s going on. I enjoyed your unwind, reflect and consider tips - very useful and a great place to start - how can we possibly reflect over a situation when we are all fired up! I think this is something mediators can help people to do and just provide a bit of space for change to take place.