I have been reflecting recently on appropriate intervention and support. As an experienced mediation practitioner I am skilled at encouraging people, supporting them through conflict and giving them a framework to help them move forward in their own way. However I have been thinking of the downside of this skill and experience.
The information we are all given is predicated on the emotional and financial resilience or our customers or clients. Often they wish to work with us, they have a shrewd idea what we want yet at the same time there may well be information they are not prepared to share with us either because it is linked to deep family dynamics; illegality or because they know it will take them deeper into a place where they do not wish to go.
So the aspiration lies are presented as a possibility either one to one or in a joint meeting. Trying to please people can be linked to deep psychological trauma, personality or the facebook culture of presenting a ‘more’ image of yourself.
It is the old adage. If something seems perfect and an outcome you have only dreamed of as a professional the likelihood is some deep digging needs to be done; reality testing and self-reflection on our own practice. Are we projecting our needs onto our vulnerable customers?
Truth and lie are strange notions. What were truths to me in my adolescence I know now are grey areas with lies going the same way. Perhaps as professionals a key goal is to help our customers or clients find their truths and the energy, skills and hope to live their lives in that way.
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Thanks for sharing this Liz. I think our customers and clients often do have a good idea of what they think we want to hear and i agree it is our job to help them find their truth and tell their own story. I was chatting with a colleague about the difficulties around telling a story that may be too painful to re- live and whether this can affect the path forward or towards a resolution? How much should we as practitioners ‘probe’ or should we let some things lie and left unsaid? Perhaps this is where we blur the boundaries of mediation and family therapy?